IP LifeLine: Keeping it Together When Things Fall Apart: Maintaining Balance When Life Gets Messy

IP LifeLine From Infection Control Today

We all face times when everything seems to fall apart all at once. During these moments, juggling personal struggles while maintaining a professional facade can be overwhelming. Somehow, you need help to stay on top of all your responsibilities and grieve your ability to give the things you care about the time and energy you want. We've all been there: running on fumes, stuck in a loop (rereading that same email!), and ultimately losing track of time as we power through a crisis.
I suspect we have all been there at some point. We're used to shifting gears in a heartbeat, going from routine tasks to full-blown emergencies like a full-blown tuberculosis outbreak in acute care or a long-term care facility. It's easy to think, "Bring it on! We can handle anything!" But the pandemic showed us a crucial difference. Bracing for the initial surge of COVID-19 cases (acute crisis) is one thing, but enduring years of loss (chronic crisis) is another beast entirely.

Walking the tightrope.

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Regardless of the crisis, we all know the pressure. Society tells us to keep work and personal life neatly separated, like file folders in a cabinet. But what happens when those folders explode all over your desk? Your world feels unraveling when the rug gets pulled out from under you. Suddenly, maintaining a perfect work persona feels impossible. How do you keep it together when the ground shifts beneath your feet?

How to stay grounded when things feel like they’re falling apart:

• Self-Awareness

Maintaining clarity and making sound decisions becomes crucial when our internal equilibrium is threatened. Interestingly, a key prognostic predictor of our capacity to overcome crisis hinges on our level of self-awareness. In this context, self-awareness refers to how wise we are at understanding our thoughts, emotions, and physical reactions during a challenging situation. It's about recognizing how these internal factors influence our behavior and decision-making processes.

The first step? Acknowledge the crisis's impact on you. It might zap your energy, disrupt sleep, and affect emotions. Recognize that your usual performance might suffer. As high performers, we can forget the personal cost. But during adversity, expecting precrisis levels is unrealistic.

"I do not at all understand the mystery of grace—only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us," —Anne Lamott.

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Much of my work as a coach involves feeling awareness. It's about intentionally acknowledging your emotions, where they reside in your body, and treating yourself with kindness, not judgment. This includes knowing your triggers: situations or people that put you on edge. Knowing your triggers allows proactive mitigation, like taking breaks from specific people or limiting time under challenging environments. Knowing your stress limits lets you delegate, ask for help, and take breaks before becoming overwhelmed.

Finally, self-awareness involves being aware of how others perceive you. In a crisis, emotions run high, but self-awareness allows you to catch yourself when you fall short. Remember, we're all human.

• Offering yourself grace

This is self-compassion in action. Treat yourself with understanding, forgiveness, and kindness, especially when things fall apart. You're human, and mistakes happen. Grant yourself permission to let go of the need to be perfect.

But how do you show your grace in a way that doesn’t feel like you are talking to yourself in inspirational quotes and empty platitudes? It's about recognizing that critical inner voice that whispers blame and negativity. Maybe you catch yourself dwelling on a mistake or feeling frustrated for forgetting a deadline. Stop. Listen to that voice. Is it telling you you're not enough or making too many mistakes?

This is your chance to challenge that inner bully. Instead of letting it control your narrative, rewrite the script from a place of self-love. Recognize that these thoughts are unhelpful and toxic. Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can under difficult circumstances. Your worth is not defined by how many tasks you complete or how many emails you answer in a workday. Instead, embrace the missteps and choose to celebrate each challenge you overcome. This is your opportunity to replace the critical inner voice with one filled with self-compassion and an unwavering belief in your ability to conquer whatever comes at you.

Be Your Own Best Friend

An image of a smiling person sitting in a hammock while her house burns.

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When in crisis, how we motivate ourselves matters. Pushing ourselves past our limits sometimes leads to self-harming tactics: harsh self-criticism, comparisons to others, punishment, micromanagement, or self-bribery. How we treat ourselves can add to the burden of the crisis. Would you ever speak to your best friend like you speak to yourself? By flipping our internal narrator to that of a best friend, we can harness the innate compassion and understanding we unconditionally give to others. Are you struggling over a minor mistake in your presentation? A true friend wouldn't beat you up. They'd remind you that everyone makes them or that you're human.

If a best friend feels inauthentic, consider a supportive 5-year-old version of yourself. What if your younger self misspelled their name on an assignment? You wouldn't belittle them but offer comfort and encouragement. Regardless of the approach, viewing yourself through a supportive lens helps combat negativity and cultivate self-compassion.

Prioritize Healthy Boundaries

Crisis often forces us to reassess priorities. This can be challenging as our days are jam-packed with obligations and responsibilities. Sometimes, saying no to an invite or request causes more stress than just doing it. How do you create space in your life when your days are overflowing?

I get it; each of us is engaged in an intricate dance of personal and professional relationships. It is imperative to consider the impact of delegating, putting off, or just not doing something with the potential energy and time savings. Whether we are aware of them or not, our personal boundaries help us make these decisions. Boundaries act as invisible lines we establish to safeguard our well-being. These boundaries are not walls meant to isolate us or cull our agency but instead protective shields that defend our emotional and physical space. Boundaries let us decide how much we share and what's acceptable. They help us find balance, security, and empowerment.

When prioritizing your boundaries, I invite you to consider what is on your to-do list that nourishes you and what depletes you. What are small things you can do to nurture yourself? For me, it is lying in a hammock on a sunny day in my backyard. By prioritizing your boundaries, you communicate your needs to those who matter. Without clear boundaries, we risk others inadvertently overstepping lines, jeopardizing the elusive balance we seek when things fall apart.

Infection Control Today's Topic of the Month: Long-Term Care

Stay Connected and Seek Support

Sometimes, in a crisis, you don’t know what is going on or what you need, and it’s tempting to isolate yourself. A crisis can feel temporary until, at some point, it’s not. Don't isolate yourself. Stay connected to friends, family, and colleagues to keep yourself anchored.

Even after a crisis has passed and you feel like you're getting back on track, there may still be times you need extra support. If you need more, I encourage you to honor that need and give yourself permission (and maybe a nudge) to schedule a time with a professional.

Whatever you are going through, remember that you're not alone. Life happens to all of us; sometimes, we can only armor ourselves while we go through it. By cultivating self-awareness, offering ourselves grace, and prioritizing healthy boundaries, we can regain our balance and strengthen our stance. We emerge with a deeper understanding of ourselves, more compassion for others, a renewed appreciation of our support systems, and the fortitude and confidence to face whatever comes next. Give yourself credit for walking across life’s tightrope, arms outstretched, maintaining your balance, and getting to the other side. Life gets messy, and as infection preventionists, we know anything is possible when we adapt, improvise, and stay connected with our support systems.

Additional Resources:

1. For a certified coach in your area, check out the International Coaching Federation (ICF) “Find a Coach” link at https://coachingfederation.org/find-a-coach 
2. For a licensed therapist, check out Psychology Today’s “Find a Therapist” link at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists