Managing the Challenges of Life and Work With Emotional Intelligence

IP Lifeline From Infection Control Today

I heard this Cherokee parable once about a great battle between 2 wolves. In the story, a grandfather is teaching a grandson about the internal battle inside us all. The story reads something like this:

“Dear son, a great battle between 2 wolves is taking place inside us all. In one wolf lives anger, greed, hate, sorrow, and lies. Inside the other wolf lives hope, love, peace, joy, and kindness.

The boy thinks about this and asks his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The grandfather replied simply, “The one you feed.”

As infection preventionists (IPs), we know the battle inside us isn’t limited to ourselves. Every day, emotions impact how we interact with colleagues, patients, and health care teams. In moments of stress—whether it’s responding to an outbreak or managing adherence fatigue—the wolf we feed determines how we lead and influence others.

A Great War Inside Us All

Emotional intelligence, also known as emotional quotient, is the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. I used to think that possessing emotional intelligence meant never again experiencing negative emotions. I thought that once I reached a certain level of emotional intelligence, I would never again experience unwanted emotions. Yet, here I am, approaching my 40s, and I still occasionally feel sad. However, I now understand that the full range of emotions we experience is simply a part of being human. Negative emotions like sadness, anger, or envy are natural and unavoidable. We cannot rid ourselves of these unwanted emotions any more than we can change the color of our eyes.

Emotional intelligence isn’t about eliminating these emotions but about learning to understand, manage, and respond to them thoughtfully. We will continue to experience sadness, anger, disappointment, bitterness, fear, and envy for the rest of our days. And so, we are constantly at battle with ourselves and the emotions that fight for our attention. In parabolic terms, emotional intelligence is recognizing the war inside us all and consciously influencing which wolf will win the battle.

Applying Emotional Intelligence to the Workplace

At this point, you may be wondering to yourself how this conversation relates to the prevention and control of infections or to our working lives at all. However, there isn’t a single area of our lives where we do not experience the impact of emotions. In fact, I might argue that the workplace is one of the most important places for us to master emotional intelligence.

In infection prevention, we often encounter resistance—whether its staff feeling overwhelmed by new protocols or frustration when adherence audits don't go smoothly. These moments require us to recognize and respond to our own emotions and our team's. If we feed the negative wolf—allowing frustration to cloud our response—we risk fueling disengagement. But by feeding the positive wolf through empathy and encouragement, we can foster trust and motivation even during tough conversations.

Emotions can fuel us for the work ahead, but they can also leave us discouraged, exhausted, angry, bitter, and in constant conflict with one another. Greater awareness of our own emotions and the emotions of others, especially in the workplace, can help us to self-regulate, creating space for more positive emotional experiences and collegial relationships during our working hours.

The Building Blocks of Emotional Intelligence

Acknowledgment

Before we can manage our emotions or positively influence the emotions of another, we must first acknowledge how we’re feeling and reflect on the reasons behind our emotions. Imagine a situation where multiple staff members have overlooked a critical step in the disinfection process, resulting in an infection control breach. It’s easy to feel anger or frustration bubbling up, but emotional intelligence requires us to pause and acknowledge these feelings before choosing how to respond. Feeding the negative wolf might mean reacting with blame, but feeding the positive wolf involves recognizing our emotions and using them to guide a constructive conversation.

Acknowledging emotions isn’t about shaming ourselves—it’s about recognizing our emotional experience and giving it the attention it deserves. We must refrain from our tendency to automatically react to a situation by first seeking to understand our emotional experience of it. When emotions run high, take a moment to breathe and acknowledge what you feel so you can prevent automatic—and often unhealthy—reactions.

Recognition

It’s normal for people to focus more on their own emotional experiences of this life. Therefore, it often takes practice to wonder what life might be like from someone else’s perspective. We often refer to this as “putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes.” In an IP leader’s role, it’s essential to recognize the emotions driving team behavior. For example, a nurse resisting new personal protective equipment protocols may not simply be stubborn—there might be underlying fear or confusion.

Feeding the positive wolf means putting ourselves in their shoes, actively listening, and responding with empathy, which helps to diffuse tension and address the root cause of resistance. We might wonder what emotions might influence their behavior and seek a deeper understanding. In recognizing someone else’s emotional experience, we gain valuable insight into their perspective to guide us in our response.

Choice

After acknowledging our emotional experience and recognizing the experience of others, we must simultaneously choose how to respond. We choose which wolf to feed. Will we respond with grace and humility or allow our negative emotions to drive us toward undesired actions and behaviors? We must accept that much of our emotional experience is, in fact, subjective. We can, in fact, choose how to respond to our emotional experiences. If I am experiencing bitterness toward someone who has wronged me, that bitterness will only grow if I continue to choose it. The bitterness may be entirely justified, but I am the one who chooses whether I will remain in that state of bitterness. Our reactions and responses to our emotions are entirely within our realm of control. The goal is to shift from an automatic reaction to an emotion to choosing a thoughtful, reflective response. By choosing to respond with patience and kindness, we can defuse tense situations and promote a more positive work environment. These small choices, made consistently, shape the emotional tone of the entire team.

Mirroring

The final step in emotional intelligence involves not only acknowledging and managing one’s own emotions but influencing the emotions of those you’re interacting with. This is often referred to as emotional mirroring—where people unconsciously pick up on and reflect the emotions of those around them. In the workplace, this dynamic can both work for and against us. If frustration or negativity becomes dominant, emotional mirroring may cause that frustration to spread quickly throughout a team. However, harnessing emotional intelligence, you can intentionally set a positive tone in the workplace, modeling behaviors such as calmness, empathy, or optimism that are contagious to others. Imagine a team leader who stays calm during a crisis. Sensing this calmness, the team mirrors it, allowing them to remain focused and effective under pressure. As IPs, emotions can feel intense in stressful situations, so the ability to deescalate tension or provide comfort through emotional mirroring is a powerful tool in maintaining positive working relationships.

The Ripple Effect of Emotional Intelligence

It’s worth noting that emotional intelligence isn’t a one-time achievement—it’s a lifelong practice. Each interaction in the workplace offers an opportunity to feed the positive wolf within yourself and others. When one team member begins to practice emotional intelligence, the effects ripple outward. Colleagues feel more seen, heard, and valued, which fosters collaboration and reduces conflict. As we seek to feed the positive wolf, emotions shift toward hope, joy, and kindness, and the entire team benefits, making even the most challenging days feel more manageable.

This is precisely why emotional intelligence is a particularly important skill for IP leaders to develop. Emotionally intelligent leadership builds trust and fosters an environment where team members feel safe and supported. This sense of psychological safety enhances collaboration and reduces burnout. Additionally, emotionally intelligent leaders understand that emotionally overwhelmed colleagues need validation and support. Whether managing a colleague’s resistance to change or helping a team member recover from burnout, IP leaders with strong emotional intelligence cultivate resilient, connected teams.

Wrapping it up

Emotional intelligence isn’t about suppressing emotions or striving for constant happiness. It’s about using emotions as tools to navigate challenges and foster meaningful connections with others. In the fast-paced, demanding world of infection prevention, the ability to feed the right wolf can make all the difference between burnout and resilience—for yourself and your team. Possessing emotional intelligence is about recognizing emotions as tools that shape how we interact with ourselves, our colleagues, and our work. In the fast-paced, often stressful world of infection prevention, choosing which emotions to feed can be the difference between burnout and resilience.

So, the next time you find yourself facing a challenge at work, take a moment to pause, reflect, and ask yourself: Which wolf will I feed today?